Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were trust falling into bushes
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