"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
