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i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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