I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
