Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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