I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
