You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
