he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
