Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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