I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
