Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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