New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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