"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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