I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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