my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Randomize
