Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
