He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
