birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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