It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
