he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
