I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
