I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
