I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
