Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Panties = found
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
