also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think my vagina is haunted
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
