You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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