Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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