get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Found your dick twin last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Randomize
