I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
