Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
