we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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