I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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