GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
