I want to stick my p in your. b.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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