I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
