Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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