I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Boobs speak an international language.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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