we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
