Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
