So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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