I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
