I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
