i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
