Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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