can u get pink eye on your cock?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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