Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So squirting runs in the family.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
