ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
