i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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