Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your cock deserves a montage
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