mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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