How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
