You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
