How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
