I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
