Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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