it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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