maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
