College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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