omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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