Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize