One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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