I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
