so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
