Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
