it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Bring me that man meat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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