420 ftw
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
