I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
