i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
