i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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