I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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