were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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