Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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