it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
