Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize