My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
