just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
