My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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