hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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